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I Found Me Again

I felt confined to my screen. Seeing not my reflection but life happening without me. Disconnected. Isolated. Bound by the norm of making myself seem happier than I was. I didn't want this anymore.

Looking past the screen I began to find myself again. Beyond the sheer glass of the windows were the trees calling to me. They whispered. So quiet it could be easy to miss. But, I could hear them. Not with my ears but with my chest. Beneath my ribcage, to my heart. Like shades pulled back to reveal light to a withered plant.

I took one step off the cracked concrete placed before my front door, feeling the cold texture scrapping the bottom of my bare feet. The moment my feet touched the Earth, the tension within my body left without saying goodbye, because it was never welcomed with a hello. With every step I left behind a footprint of worry, anxiety, sadness, anger...all that comes with this life. The soil was rich with love and I knew the Earth was waiting for me.

The roots of the maple tree guided me to her. I placed my hand on her body and felt more than I ever have before. My feet propped up on her exposed roots. My fingers brushed against the texture of her bark. It is like we have met before.

I saw myself, ten years old. Climbing this tree so fearless and bold. Curious, as I explored every branch. I was safe here. This was home. I could be anything, anyone and I believed it. And so did the tree.

Why did I leave? This question filled me with guilt. But I looked up at the maple and realized that she had never left me. She waited patiently for me to find her again. To find myself again. And all I needed was to reunite with this tree.

The sun shinned through her beautiful branches and I knew that I had finally listened to what nature was telling me. That to find myself again was to go back to my roots. Because nature is also within me. The only way to reconnect, is to allow the Earth to see me for who I truly am...and I realized that who I am is this tree.

-Randi Hoyt Art

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